In 2018, I moved to Orlando for college. At the time, I began to ponder more about life, its meaning, and my purpose. I remember being so excited for what I imagined college to be like. I will say none of those plans involved God. Despite my worldly plans, there was a part of me that was increasingly interested in God. I think I always knew He existed and was there, but I never wanted to admit it or be held responsible for the implications of a God who watches every action and knows every thought. As the weight and pressure of school began to overwhelm me, so did the desire to know more about God.
It was during my spring semester of my freshman year that I first visited Antioch Orlando. I was invited by a few friends I had made in Cru earlier that fall. Little did I know this would be the church where I would find my deepest fears and insecurities exposed and the greatest understanding of God’s grace and love for me and His children. I would have never imagined that this would be the place I would experience friendship in a way that not many people get to experience. I would have never thought that I would truly begin to understand who God is and the implications of who He is. Those implications are breathtakingly beautiful. The freedom, the peace, and the greater understanding of myself and my need were more than enough to stir a newfound lust for life. But not just any life. It was a life orchestrated and directed by a good and gracious God, whom I get to call my Father and my friend.
This shift in how I saw and thought of God developed over the years through discipleship. These are smaller group meetings where you get to talk in detail about what God is teaching you, along with things you are struggling with. Others speak directly into your life, encouraging you through scripture and God’s character. I would say this is likely where I have seen some of the greatest transformation in my life, as well as the greatest hardship.
I had never had to share myself in the way I have through discipleship conversations. Going in-depth on how I feel, the thoughts I am having, and the things I am struggling with is something I did not have to do until I was 19 years old. My life beforehand was riddled with “How are you?” and “That’s good,” and then moving on. At Antioch, there is a culture of sincere concern for others and their walks with God, which initially made me extremely uncomfortable. Who are these people, and why do they care so much about me? This was a common question I would ask myself. However, I understood that it would be here that I could finally have the courage to uncover deep-rooted insecurities and hurts that I had held onto for so long. Over the years, through uncovering and talking through these things, I became more familiar with God’s grace and care for me as an individual, and the way everything I have experienced in my life serves a purpose.
Two years into my walk with God, in 2021, my older sister became tragically ill and passed away on January 27. I was devastated. I did not know how to move on or how to process it. My initial instinct was to push through and move on, as if it were just a normal event. Thankfully, I had an amazing friend and lifegroup leader who encouraged me to talk through how I was feeling and to process it with the Lord. I had never experienced something so heartbreaking, and neither had she. Yet something that really stuck with me was her willingness and eagerness to be there and sit with me in it. She not only asked how I was doing, but pressed in to help me truly delve into the loss and confusion I was feeling, despite not always knowing exactly what to say or being able to relate to me.
This was the moment I realized that these women, who I had been growing in friendship with, are women who truly and wholeheartedly rely on God. They rely on God for the words to say when there is nothing we can say or fix in our human capacity. They rely on God when it comes to carrying the heavy burdens of others and being there for them. I became incredibly aware that there was nothing special that could be said to me to fix anything, and yet these meetings were what grew my connection with God. It was through these meetings that I learned I could grieve with God and experience His comfort even when circumstances did not change. Through discipleship, both formal and informal, I grew to know God as my closest friend.
I have always had a fear of being known. That is why I avoided God for so long. That is why I avoided deep relationships for so long. It was nerve-wracking. I never thought I would be able to be known in the way I am now known, or loved in the way I am now loved, not only by my Father, but by His children. What a great blessing it has been to be adopted into this family, and I truly see God’s hand in placing me in this church just as I was beginning to know Him. I see His purpose and intention in doing so.
I am forever grateful for the friendships I have been blessed with within this church family. I am forever grateful for the culture of humility, honor, grace, hunger, and joy. It has been life-changing to see the way God has moved and worked in the lives of others, as well as being pursued and loved as myself. I pray that whoever is reading this also gets to experience the richness of a community that is known and loved by God and strives to know and love others.
Thank you, God, for this family.
I ❤️ Antioch Orlando 